I’m Sorry.

I’m sorry.

Sorry for what?

Sorry if there are times I do not prioritize you. Sorry if at times, I fail to do the right thing. I am sorry for not seeing things the way you do. Sorry if at times I cannot help but be afraid. Sorry for my propensity to prove something.  Sorry for trying so hard to look normal and perfect when everything else on the inside is wrong.  Sorry if there are times  I focus on my flaws, on what I cannot do, on what I am not, my limitations and my problems. Sorry for hurting people. Sorry for making excuses. Sorry for not listening. Sorry for talking too much. Sorry for being self absorbed. Sorry for not speaking up. Sorry for not being cool and composed all the time.  Sorry for letting you down.

Sorry for being a fallen human.

Sorry for being sorry.

You are forgiven. 

 

But wait. I feel like I should apologize more. I feel like I should do something to earn more of your love. I feel like I need to be this certain person and reach this certain standard for your acceptance. Wait. Don’t look at me. I’m struggling. I don’t want you to see this ugly and pathetic part of me. I don’t want you to see me so vulnerable. Look at me when it’s over. I’m ashamed. I don’t deserve anything from you…

There is no part of you that I do not love.  I accept everything about you.

The area that you don’t want anyone to see. The negative things kept inside your heart. The things you think are the most ugly. I didn’t love you because you were the most confident person in the room. Not because you knew how to carry yourself in front of everyone. Even before you knew how to do those things, when you were crying in your room and wondering why there’s so much emptiness and insecurity in your heart, I have always loved you.

And I still do. No matter how many mistakes and failures you think you make. Even in the times that don’t seem so bright, I love you. I will always be there to help you and make you see your worth.

You are forgiven. Period.

Isaiah 1:18 (NIV)

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.”